The Other Voice

Its funny how our emotions play with us. Yes, they do. Coz one thing is for sure that we don’t control them. Rather, they are the ones who govern us, more importantly our moods. They kind of embody a subtle form of our being who speaks the same way we do and can be heard only by us. They are like a constant background score of our conscious life. I don’t remember a single moment of my life where there was no on going commentary by my other self in my mind, either paraphrasing or narrating the on going events. Sometimes that other self might multiply. It can morph into those small devil and angel that appear at the side of one’s head in the cartoon movies. Both fighting and suggesting different ideas to the poor mortal human, who can’t help but listen to them. They appear just like that. Poof! Especially when you are contemplating some issue, which might be as small as choosing between coffee and tea or as big as considering two different carrier options. They just like an undetachable part of our existence. My dad says there’s only one way to control these noises, meditation. Meditation! I mean I’ve tried it once. But it becomes rather more difficult for me. These voices literally begin to chit-chat with each other, completely ignoring my presence! Who gives them such energy to go on and on. They don’t seem to be mortal to me. They simply remain an unknown, unnamed part of me. When I am hungry, they are hungrier, tempting me to take just anything edible thing that I see first. When I am bored, they are even more jaded, trying to pull me out of the lecture hall. When I am scrared, they are scared as hell. Constantly prompting me to check behind the curtains, beneath the bed.
But in the end, they are a constant companion. Atleast they don’t leave us alone like people do. They are with us through thick n thin. I do admit that I am grateful they don’t leave me feeling lonely at times I need someone the most. Though they might not always help in placating my worries or anything, but they do stick around. Thank you… me!!

At Bangalore

I got a very warm welcome at my uncle's place in B'lore. It felt like home. I was proud of myself as I had finally succeeded in in pushing back all the sentimental thoughts and was able to wear a cheerful face. After long hours of chit-chat with uncle and aunty, I hit the sack. I was happy that the day left me too tired to entertain any emotional memories of home. But then, my sweet dreamless sleep didn't last for long.
So, here I am, wide awake at half past three in the morning. Sleepless in B'lore. But I don't want to succumb to my emotions and cry. I AM NOT GOING TO CRY.

So what to do?? I think, I'll just get up and have some water.
Done.
Two glasses.
Now what?
Had it been home, I would have taken out my laptop and would have read some ebook.
Well, had it been home, I wouldn't be awake and restless at this hour.
Ugh!! I am missing home. Why on earth did I have to come to this place, so far away from Ma and Papa. I hate everything. And guess what? Finally my emotions won over me this time.
Tears...
God!! Why do we have to move out, to learn to live... in this unknown world? Face such a gush of sentiments.
This new world better be good.

What the !!!!!!!!!!! (Part two)

At last, I boarded my flight. Got an aisle seat. But crap, its been twenty five minutes since the gates closed and our flight hasn't taken off yet. I guess, like me, this flight isn't at all willing to leave Delhi. It seems we aren't getting a clear runway. May be, all of these are signals that God doesn't want me to go to Mysore. First the flight got delayed, and now this. Remember how in the movies we have this climax where the plane is just about to take off and the heroine creates a scene to get off the plane and runs into the arms of the hero. Or the hero comes dodging the whole damn security, which is practically impossible, to the boarding gate to stop the heroine. Then he utters some corny dialogues which melt the heart of his girl plus the security guys. The former stays while the latter leaves, and then they live happily ever after. Well, atleast till the credits show up on the screen. Anyways, there are a lot of exceptions to this, in this real life scene of mine. First, there is no hero. Second, there is no heroine either. Yeah, it is hard to picture myself as the heroine of my own movie. And third, as soon as I was through with thinking about the climax and all, the anti-climax happened. The air hostess started her robot dance at the front and my flight prepared to take-off, and here I am, sitting on my aisle seat, trying to push back my tears.
Just as I settled, a kid started squealing, at the highest pitch, to go back to his father, who must have dropped them off at the airport. Though the noise was annoying, I wish I could do the same. But no, I have to behave like a grown up. And grown ups don't cry like a baby.What the hell?!!
Anyways, let me divert myself from the running-back-home topic. Talking about a movie on my life, it is going to be a disappointment for those who are looking for a romantic flick. Forget the hero, the guy sitting next to me stinks! Literally! He has got some serious body odor problems. I kept my face as much towards the aisle as humanly possible, trying hard to make it seem like a normal posture.
Then again, the movie is going to be a disappointment to those who are looking for some action. Apart from chasing a purse snatcher on a highway, sneaking into a computer lab at prohibitted hours in the first year of college, doing some water sports at Goa, and yes, slapping a guy in school, I haven't had much action in my life. But my movie will definetly get the audience who are looking for a comedy. A comedy, where all jokes are played on me. It may become a unique spoof of a mixture of some bollywood and hollywood flicks. (Definetly not a Scary Movie..plzzzz). I am sure many people would relate to this one. Having declared this, do i hear some directors approaching???
Ah.. forget it.

What the !!!!!!!!!!!

Ok now, this is not fair. As if having to leave home and reaching the airport one hour early wasn't enough, after check-in I get to know that my flight has been delayed by an hour!!! Plus, I don't have enough balance in cell to call back home. Argh!!! What crap?!
I guess I'll take some coffee and read what Mamta Banerjee has to say on landholdings. And yes, FYI, no cute guys in the waiting area. Life sucks!!

Good bye Delhi

So, I finally had to bid adieu to home, to delhi. It was really hard to digest that for a long time I won't get to see my mom's cute smile, won't get to play cards with dad and won't either have a pillow fight with my sis. For a long time, I won't get to hang around with my Bhaiya n bhabhi. As I am not much of a keep-in-touch-through-phone kinda person, I am practically gonna be without my people for a long time. That saddens me like anything. But then, when I look at it the other way round, I get to move out and make my own world, my own life. I must admit that as much as I want to study further (not that I've dropped the plan), I am secretly looking forward to the I-hate-my-boss feel. I know, I am going to regret saying this later, but as for now, sitting at the airport, waiting for my flight, this is the only thing I am looking forward to. Rest all sensations have been dealt with during my last visit to Myosore D.C as an intern. There is one more positive side of leaving home, atleast theoretically. I believe that being abandoned by my mom's delicious food might help me lose some kilos. Well, I have my fingers crossed, coz I suck at dieting otherwise.
When my family was bidding me goodbye at the airport, I saw something twinkle in my mom's eyes. It was a tear. A sweet combination of pain and pride. I wish I'll soon erase the pain and let only pride fill its place. I hope. Wish me luck Krishna...